Well, now it's official. It's been too long since I last took that dose of chemo, so I am officially off the trial as of yesterday, meaning I won't be getting another round. That's okay; I was probably messing with the trial results too much anyway! I always feel bad when I'm on a trial study because I know I'm always going to be the one person who makes the treatment only 99% effective because I am always that 1% that reacts completely differently!
But now I'm not sure what happens. I talked with my doctors yesterday and they agreed that I can have Christmas break without any kind of new treatment negotiations. It's good to have at least a little while completely free from any kind of medicine. We'll resume talk about where to go from here after the holidays.
For now, I'm going to finish up my schoolwork and just enjoy the freedom that comes from not worrying about my health. It's funny, I always know that I have cancer but I can still consider myself "not sick" at times. I never say I'm healthy, but there are times when I feel sick and times when I don't. Being on this chemo, I've felt sick. Knowing that I don't have to take it anymore makes me feel a lot less sick.
So now I have my classes to finish and then tomorrow through Friday I'll be in the city visiting one of my best friends at NYU. Perhaps I shouldn't be going when I have so much work to do, but I've been looking forward to this for a long time. I haven't had fun in a while. Thanksgiving and Halloween were the last two times I can remember really having fun. Between those times I've been feeling sick. I really feel like I need this.