I'm posting this on the 3rd, but I wrote this yesterday.
May 2nd. 3 am. I just realized I missed the 7th year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. May 1, 2003, I was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. Whoever thought I'd make it this far? Whoever thought I'd still have so far to go? By now, I realize it's most likely going to be a life-long disease, no matter how long that life may be, and how much of the cancer disappears. I'll always have to live with the side effects, and there's so many of them - physical and mental. It's okay though, I think. I'm mostly, usually alright with this; my only other choice is to give in, and after 7 years, there is no chance of me doing that. There wasn't a chance of that after even 1 day, really. But lately I've been freaking out a little - is this how it's going to have to be for the rest of my life? Never being able to make definitive plans? Always being set apart - an exception?
If so, then, I guess, so be it. I'll still be fighting for another way, of course. But I'll deal with whatever form of life I'm given.
Hi Hope,
ReplyDeleteYour writing is so profound and while I can't begin to understand all that you have been through in the last 7 years, you have an impact on everyone that you meet. I can tell you all through the years of postings that I always admired how you and your family jumped right in and had wonderful adventures when you were having a good day! Wishing you lots of good days with wonderful adventures-even if they aren't planned for! Love to you and all your family, Carolyn
PS We know your Dad would go to the end of the earth for you....and the car in the middle of the night!