Breathe, think.

A cycle of chemotherapy has just ended, which means I no longer have to take 2 chemo pills before going to bed and dealing with the fog and haze of my mind, as I have been doing for the past 7 days. Now, I have 2 weeks off the medicine, but this first night without it always does weird things to me at night.
It feels like my heart skipped a beat and never got back on the right track. It's not wild or pumping harder than usual - it just feels off. And my head is clear, but my body is not used to that. It's had to adjust at this time every night for the past week, and now it's not sure if it wants to adjust back. My mind and my body don't want to coordinate tonight - they can both appear to be at peace but still hold a grudge against the other, which prevents the two from ever really connecting - and I cannot sleep until the two come together.
I time my breaths (inhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7; exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7; inhale...) but my heart won't match; I count my heartbeats but I forget to breathe. I try to think of good things but my body protests and makes me lose my train of thought. I stop noticing my body only when my brain thinks of too many conflicting things.
What do I do what do I do what do I do.
Breathe; think. Think; breathe. Both, now. Too much. Breathe, think. Think; breathe. Both, now....