A Wish for Normality

It's been a while since I felt "normal".
I guess I could mean this in a million ways. For the most part, right now I mean it's been weeks since I felt like my usual self, without any fuzziness or weakness or lethargy or dullness. I have to fight against succumbing to it all. It would be so easy to just sleep and ignore everything in its entirety. But I have to keep going, or I'll never get back up. But it's so hard.
With the chemo, I've had a week of absolute loopiness, 2 weeks of pain with more loopiness, and another week of low blood counts. It's been a month of actually feeling like a cancer patient. Even though I've been going through treatment for more than 6 years, I usually manage to feel pretty well, and it's easy to forget that I have cancer. Maybe that's not exactly what I mean. It's more like, I can go for long periods of time without ever thinking, "I am sick", or "I have cancer". It's just, "I am me." But the great irony of chemotherapy is that it is designed to make you better while actively making you feel sick. When I'm not undergoing any treatment, I feel fine. When I go through a treatment, I feel sick. This has always been one of the most horrible parts of this whole ordeal: the treatment often makes me feel worse than the cancer does.
That doesn't mean I'm ready to stop it. Nor do I believe I'll be ready to stop it any time soon, if ever. I'll keep doing whatever I have to do to get rid of the cancer, because I know in my head that it's the real cause of my pain. I wouldn't need treatment if I didn't have cancer, and if I went without treatment for prolonged periods of time, the cancer itself would start causing pain.
I'm just really ready to start recovering.